In the good old days, at State Mattins, if the sermon, er, failed to shine, people used to amuse themselves by turning to the back of the Book of Common Prayer and reading the Table of Kindred and Affinity wherein whoseover are related are forbidden by the Church of England to Marry Together. This is where you discovered, among other things they don't teach you at school, that you couldn't marry your great grandmother. Drat!
Of course these days we don't have (much) mattins, and anyway we all use PowerPoint not Prayer Books. Double Drat!
But cheer up! Help is at hand! Here is this autumn's Must-Have, the Hymn Book iPod Case. Whatever makes you look rapt, from Montiverdi to the Clash, you can turn those vales of misery into your own personal well in Church, without looking anything less than the Trendy Geezer you are. Magic!
After the case this year where a lady was done for listening to her iPod whlst wearing a hijab in the jury box during a criminal trial, I don't recommend these for Bishops. But then we don't need it, because we never get bored in Church. So that's OK.