Infantilised? Moi?

Fear Not! In a flush of personal autonomy you may have put away childish things, and consigned poor old teddy to the dump. But now Aqua-cool help is at hand — My Therapy Buddy. Hear it! Feel it! Believe it! “When you need a friend to guide you back from the dark place that we all know,” this Doyen of Transitional Objects looks considerably more cheerful, therapeutic and modern than the average cat, or spouse, for a fraction of the cost of either. At only $49, which the website points out is half the cost of an hour’s therapy, My Therapy Buddy is cheap to buy and run. Apart from the occasional battery and trip through the washing machine if you get carried away, it’s a lo-cost vector to happiness and personal fulfilment. Battery? Well TB proclaims “Everything is going to be all right!” in a serene, clinical, soothing tone. How does it know? What if you are driving over a cliff when you push the button? Is everything still going to be all right? You could almost believe it will be, as you snuggle up to your engaging little pot bellied friend — no, it’s my engaging little pot bellied friend! Now, now. The two for one offer on the site is only possible because My Therapy Buddies don’t get jealous or possessive, either. Somehow, however, these apparently sexless objects do reproduce. For only $19.95 you can get a Baby Buddy — “10 inches of pure love.” No comment.
PS Max The Cat was looking plenty butch as I explored My Therapy Buddy’s website. He doesn’t underestimate the competition .