There is Balm in Richfield, Ohio...

Only 24 hours since my Pet Stick Insect died and I’m missing it already. I know, all it did was eat brambles, lay eggs and fall apart. It was still a pretty damn cool stick insect, right?

This is a job for Pet Tribute Creations of Richfield, Ohio — people who care so much, it hurts. I realise a Giant Prickly Stick Insect may present something of a challenge, but these guys are professionals. All I do is select a theme, Jesus, flowers, doves. Actually I think Doves eat stick insects. Having one of them could be kind of tasteless. Jesus it is, seen here consoling Tiddles for the loss of Mrs Snodgrass. Or perhaps it's Mrs Snodgrass for the loss of Tiddles. Or Jesus for the loss of both? Whatever.

Then, for only $19·99 they will photoshop me Jesus with my former chum into a “small single frame — perfect next to an urn.” Actually there isn’t an urn. We, er buried it. Or perhaps we threw it out. Or the (surviving) cat might have got it. I don’t remember which, I was upset at the time. Actually it didn't even have a name. When our 300 eggs hatch out, next time, we must remember to give them all names. Perhaps I am not yet emotionally equipped to handle this pet-loss-with-Jesus thing. But give it time...