Health and Safety: Strain at a Gnat...

One day in December 2005, Lucy and I were almost thrown out of bed by a major blast, followed by a rumbling roar. “Sonic boom? RAF playing silly B’s?” I thought. 14 miles away, Buncefield fuel storage depot was going up in smoke. At 2·4 on the Richter scale, this was a biggie, followed by the largest fire since World War II. A switch had failed allowing a tank of unleaded to overflow. The oil company accepted no liability and shot the sergeant. Apparently component failure in a complex fuel handling system with inadequate error traps, is all the fault of the little guy drinking tea in the shed at the gate. Interesting theory. But where, I wondered, was health and safety in all of this? Checking the paperwork? Counting the wheelnuts on the tankers?

Apologies to our glorious Health and Safety industry, but after a day’s chuckling over it, I can’t resist. Here, courtesy of the Wardman Wire, is the ultimate health and safety advice, on crossing your drive without risking life and limb. The delight is in the detail.

Zimbabwe — The Mask of Anarchy

The four horsemen of Apocalypse seem to be doing just fine in Zimbabwe. If you remember the deal, Empty Conquest (Mr White) leads on violence (Mr Red), Famine and Drought (Mr Black) and finally Death (Mr Pale). The sequence is eerily accurate.

I was first disgusted by the behaviour of former Anglican bishop Nolbert Kunonga after reading asylum papers from one of his clergy who came to live in Bucks. NK was chucked out of the Church last year, after much abusive behaviour, including a bizarre anniversary bash in the football stadium. His version was that he was walking out because of the Gay Issue, and British colonialism. Abusive Twaddle alert. Last year I met a former Zimbabwe minister of agriculture at a confirmation in West Wycombe, moved to tears by the destruction of the good land by politics and corruption. Earlier this year, I met a family at another confirmation who had come over here to try and build some kind of life for themselves — decent people who had been much abused — one among many families.

As Zimbabwe prepares for an election with no opposition, the level of atrocity and human rights abuse, bizarrely, doesn’t seem to diminish. Online media are harder to suppress than their conventional counterparts. The Wardman Wire has been running a Mugabe Monitor detailing election news, including an Election Photo Album. Sokwanele have a detailed Google map of 1450 cases of violence and intimidation with chapter and verse about the Terror. An initiative of the Churches, the Solidarty Peace Trust, gives a gallery of photos, and video background profiles.
And yet, incredibly, Mugabe apologists still toe the party line. The election violence is all down to the opposition, apparently. How long, O Lord?

How to inflame Passion...

To start a media firestorm, you need a media flamethrower. Say what you like about Archbishop Rowan, anyone who writes 146 word sentences ain't no media flamethrower. So how do you whip up a firestorm out of a law lecture? The Wardman Wire has been digging through some BBC dustbins, to find out exactly how the Archbishop was kebabed by BBC news editors before he even opened his mouth.

The moral? The looser the nickers, the easier it is to get them in a twist. You need them well twisted when you're hanging archbishops out to dry. Many Congratulations to Matt Wardman for digging this lot up. Plainly the process of sexing up dodgy dossiers is not confined to government — You have to, if you’re churning out what Nick Davies calls “flat earth news” I’m really sorry the BBC’s editors are now on the game. Perhaps this story isn't all doom and gloom. Making Fox look like a serious news organisation is some kind of an achievement.