Saturday, 13 December 2008

HBOS: Personalised Credit Crunch

Welcome to the share offer that enables you to have your very own credit crunch at home this Christmas. As a student I earned some holiday money and put it in the building society. Then the building society became a bank and my shares were converted into, er, more shares... Imagine my joy, then to be sent an “important document” this morning that “required my immediate attention.” It’s my opportunity to bail the bank out by taking them up on a very special offer — They are willing to flog me 261 shares, as a special favour, at only 113.6 pence a share. Here comes fate, tapping me on the shoulder, offering me a career as a major capitalist, and all for only £296·49! Deep Joy! One or two questions:
  1. Why would I spend 113·6p a share on this very special offer, when I could go out and buy as many HBOS shares as I wanted anyway @ 67·5p yesterday, thereby saving myself, click-click-click, £120·32 on this joyful transaction. Presumably I’ve got MUG tatooed on my forehead somewhere I don’t know, or they wouldn’t have sent me this very special offer in the first place, but I’m a cheapskate mug.

  2. Unless my math is totally duff, only the other week Lucy and I, as UK taxpayers, compulsorily invested approx £2,800 in these jokers anyway. Perhaps we should see how that little speculation goes before we bring another £176·13 along to the party.

  3. It might be fun to have our own little micro credit crunch, personalised for the Wilson household, like a Micro Brewery, or a Minibeasts jungle, but I think I’ll pass. All the more so, as dread small print warns me this priceless offer is not something I can trade to any other mugs out there.
Please, somebody, tell me. What have I missed? As bit of a muggle I was sorry to miss out on the Bernard Madoff thang, but why, for Charles Ponzi’s sake, would I stake any more of our our kids’ dinners, other than compulsorily as a taxpayer, on HBOS just now?

1 comment:

Steve Hayes said...

I still can't help thinking that if the building societies hadn't gone commercial, a lot of this mess wouldn't have happened.

What am I missing?

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