Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts

Tuesday, 2 November 2010

Encouraging what engagement? How?

Looking at the Covenant documentation for General Synod, it seems one laudable aim is to promote closer engagement between Churches.
Institutional structures can assist as well as impede strong and fruitful relationships, of course. Having a formal marriage certificate doesn’t stop marriage partners loving each other — indeed it ought to help, all ohter things being equal. What it cannot do is make people love one another.

Direct meeting is a gospel value. And if this is the aim, one way to judge the Covenant proposal will be to ask “How might it deliver what kind of closer engagement between Churches?” A new refereeing institution could bring churches together when they make decisions others abhor. That‘s the theory, rather like requiring divorcing couples to seek counselling.

Yet wise counsellors with whom I’ve worked in prisons and counselling centres have always told me how difficult mandated counselling is. For it to be effective people have to be willing to contemplate changing something about themselves, and to be committed enough to the process to give it a go. They have to be equal enough to talk and often if they had been that in the first place they wouldn't have got into the situation they're in.

A couple who both believe profoundly “I am in the right and it’s basically my partner needs to change” are unlikely to find counselling effective. Anyone who is not reasonably committed to the process will spend their counselling session staring out the window or at their watch. Again, the exercise is almost certainly pointless, and the kindest thing a counsellor can do is point this out honestly from the outset rather than stage a charade where there is no meeting of minds, or will to reach it, or preparedness to change.

I’m also struck, as I look back to the spat that gave rise to the Windsor report, how the human impact of what was going on had explicit and implicit expressions. On the one hand various politicians, scribes, pharisees and manipulators proclaimed their righteous indignation from the housetops, along with what others had to do to call off the dogs of war.

On the other, many gay clergy colleagues bottled up, often bravely and quietly, what must sometimes have seemed intolerable burdens of depression, frustration and pain. This came from a feeling they were being institutionally rubbished by the Church that had nurtured them, and to which they felt profoundly committed, personally and spiritually. Someone told me it felt like being mugged by a parent, at the behest of a nasty neighbour. Many found it almost unbearable to talk about, in the way people who had been in the trenches couldn’t and didn’t want to talk about what they had witnessed when they got home. The clearest expression of the hurt beng experienced by gay clergy wasn’t imposing declarations but days off sick with depression and stress, many of them never even logged as such.

Of course people should engage. But engaging institutionally and legally is nothing like as important as engaging personally and spiritually with real human beings. That’s why boycotts are usually evil, because they are excuses not to engage but to feel as righteous as if you had. People matter so much more to God than the abstract issues ever could. We owe far less to dogma, than to the people our dogma impacts, because that is the way of Christ, and the Scriptures teach us that love is the fulfilling of the law, whatever law you may have in mind, even the ten commandments.

I notice how the wording of section 4 of the various drafts of the Covenant has become less legalistic and more relational. Good. But I want to know how positively relational it really is now, or is this just a drafting cleanup because people wouldn't swallow the medicine for what it actually was, neat?

I want to know, in close particulars, how the new structures being proposed will give what voice not only to the Scribes, Pharisees and bureaucrats, who in my experience can usually speak for themselves, but also to the poor blighters in the dust who look to us, bishops especially, because they thought in all innocence that bishops were supposed to be more committed to the way of Jesus Christ than the way of Caiaphas.

It could be that a new refereeing body gives a voice to the voiceless. OK. How? And if this process does not go out of its way to do this, and especially if it contents itself with pious intentions and merely institutional stitching up, it will only make our spiritual sickness worse, not better.

Monday, 7 April 2008

Her Address is Heaven Above?

Sorry to have missed Bette Davis’ 100th birthday on Saturday, but she has been dread for eighteen years and more. Her name certainly recalls films driven by well crafted scripts and powerful ham acting rather than CGI. Baby Jane and Blanche may ring a few bells for you. We often talk sentimentally of Church as “family.” The fact is real families are often best known in their falling out. Take courage! However PO’d your PCC or Vile your Vestry, it’s almost certainly a Sunday School outing compared to this little lot:

Tuesday, 11 December 2007

Advent thoughts from abroad

Great joy on Sunday, to confirm 40 new disciples of all ages in Wycombe and Stewkley. No full script, sorry, but this is what I was trying to say:
In India I met people who are really poor in world terms, and there's no arguing with the figures, but they treated us, freely, with lavish generosity and love. In the poorest homes I met bubbly smiling children, and parents strong in self-respect and family loyalty. Back home I meet people who have everything, but are so damn miserable, cynical, broken in their relationships, and lacking in confidence. So what's world development really about — economics, or relationships, or both? What benefit to grow material wealth in the majority world, if in the process people lose their roots, and community, and capacity to love? What point is there for anyone to have all the things we have, without the human and relational capacity to enjoy them?

They are driving a great four lane highway over 550km from the hi-tech hub of Bangalore to the hi-tech hub of Hyderabad. We drove for hours up an old road, broken and full of potholes, amidst all the paraphernalia of one of the greatest engineering enterprises on earth. Advent is a good time of year to do this! We could see the levels being raised, and whole hills being moved to make a straight highway up through the Deccan plain. Right now cities of a million people, like Kurnool, are barely dots on the map. That is going to change dramatically.
The hallmark of authentic Christianity isn't fine worship, feeling good, big buildings or sound doctrine. It's love that turns the world upside down. That's what they said of the Early Church. Our mission as disciples isn't to get bogged down in peripherals, but to build some kind of highway through every wasteland, economic or human. Somehow we have to find ways to connect material, personal and spiritual, so that people can flourish, and increasingly enjoy what Jesus came to bring, life to the full. We can change the world, like the anti slavers 200 years ago did. It’s what we’re for, and the only way we can find real happiness and a life worth living.

We didn't sing it on Sunday, but rattling for 16 hours up and down the H7 construction project, I did sometimes think of the great Advent hymn we used to sing at school — Visionary stuff in 1870, and closer now than when we first believed.
...he comes to reign with boundless sway,
and makes your wastes his great highway.

Lands of the East, awake,
soon shall your sons be free;
the sleep of ages break,
and rise to liberty.
On your far hills, long cold and gray,
has dawned the everlasting day.

Shout, while ye journey home;
songs be in every mouth;
lo, from the North we come,
from East, and West, and South.
city of God, the bond are free,
we come to live and reign in thee!

Monday, 5 November 2007

Pray together, stay together

Final notes from this year’s retreat — about worship. There's a natural tendency to think of worship as a programme based activity, like vacuum cleaning, or watching telly. Everything is projected on a screen before me, as entertainment or edification. Good worship requires Gear, either Muppett show electronic gizmos (Big Mixing Desk and Jumbo Projector), or a shedload of Twee Gear from the Mowbrays Catalogue (“randy for antique”).

If you stopped Joseph in the carpenter's shop and asked him about worship, life was worship, family meals were worship, the table he'd made yesterday was worship. Synagogue was part of it, and so was the temple occasionally. The roped off God zone was really rather minimal, and when Jesus died, the veil was torn and the ropes snapped. How silly to try and recreate it now , and call it a missional tool.

Furthermore 7% of communication is the script. That means 93% isn’t! Forty years long of faffing around with the words of worship in the C of E, and I reckon we've pretty much determined empirically what a place like Saint Wandrille, which has only changed the script once in the past 1300 years, knew all along — that the attitude with which we pray is infinitely more important than the words we use.

The Rule is a whole of life policy, that starts at the God end. What goes on in Church is an integral part of life and work, not a bolt on extra. You just do it and see what happens. The point is not to entertain yourselves, but to focus everything else, using the psalms in particular. All human life is there, all emotion, including nasty, tentative, lary, hopeful and thankful (sounds like the basis for seven brand new dwarfs). What goes on in the church is as integral to life as breathing. Sometimes air tastes good, and sometimes it's just air. By and large there's no point worrying about breathing, unless you're underwater. You just get on with it. In a very undecorated place like Saint Wandrille (where the church is, literally, an old barn) the community itself is the icon, and everything is radically simple and unselfconscious.

So where does this leave the whole language of “doing Church?” Worship as Muppett/ Antiques Road Show easily becomes rather stilted and artificial. Emergent churches are starting at the other end, creating community first. Worship ends up much less cheesy and artificial — an expression of who the community is before God and part of what they do, rather than an aspirational exercise. The measure of worship is not the words or gear we use, but how Pelagian or self-conscious we are in Church.

Monday, 8 October 2007

All members one of another?

Michael Schluter of the Relationships Foundation & Jubilee centre spoke this morning at the Chiltern Prayer Breakfast, with MP's, business and community leaders. Michael was a world bank economist, frustrated by the ineffectiveness of much aid activity, and the various theoretical models offered in East Africa. Michael believes Biblical (OT) teaching about Jubilee, Freedom from economic slavery, relational criminal law & education, are resources for an increasingly divided, unhappy and frustrated UK. Our manic, fragmented and precarious relational life came bottom of the UNICEF advanced nations wellbeing/ quality of life survey, with 1/8 of the population medicated for depression.
  1. 100 people in a room actually represent (by the time you tot up their links) half a million relationships! Our educational system examines academic and learning skills, but not the main thing employers find makes a difference — emotional/ relational intelligence. How crazy is that?

  2. Pretty much all the measuring sticks for human activity are financial. We think we are ‘the developed world,’ when actually we are relationally underdeveloped compared to some poorer countries. Yet this whole language reinforces the idea that only money really matters.
    There has to be more to life than GDP! Dr Schluter quoted Bobby Kennedy —
Gross Domestic Product
does not measure the health of our children,
the quality of their education, or the joy of their play.
It does not include the beauty of our poetry
or the strength of our marriages,
the intelligence of our public debate,
or the integrity of our public officials.
It measures everything, in short,
except that which makes life worthwhile...

Bobby Kennedy, 1968
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